With the new album’s release date looming (Friday!), Didges Christ SuperDrum has released the video I directed for the track “Snake Oil”. Yay!! Check it out!
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For the tl;dr crowd: I BATTLED A GIANT RAT (How’d this teeny hamster elude me for two hours?)
My house is a wreck because we’re packing things and sorting stuff and I heard this weird sound that I discounted as the breeze from my fan rattling some posters while I was working on something in my office. I got up to take a break from what I was working on and decided to do a little packing (I don’t get breaks unless I’m eating, I just do different stuff) and saw this thing move out of the corner of my eye and suddenly, I was a ninja ready for a fight. (Imagine ‘the slowest white girl impersonation of Bruce Lee adopting a fighting stance’ whilst saying “holysheeetwhadafuckwasthaaaat?” and you have a fairly accurate idea of what I did.)
After kicking some boxes trying to elicit a response from this undoubtedly vicious alien creature, I grabbed my baseball bat and a flashlight from the living room and swept the room…and saw eye shine. There was this HUGE (well, not really huge) UGLY (actually it was kind of cute) RAT (hamster) WITH THESE BEEDY BLACK LIFELESS EYES LIKE A DOLL’S EYES (that’s kind of true).
We had ourselves a nice little Mexican stand-off, Mr. RAT (hamster) and I wherein I looked at him and he looked at me and I looked at him looking at me and he looked at me looking at him, me being armed with a blue baseball bat I’ve had since I was 8 and he being armed with RABIES HE’S HAD HIS ENTIRE LIFE, PROLLY (I couldn’t see that it didn’t have a tail so I was still thinking it was a rat at this point, but it was small like a palm rat.) After a moment, I said, “Okay, look. I don’t want to kill you…and I’m telling you that you don’t want to kill me. So, I’m gonna put my bat down and we’re going to have a discussion about how to extricate ourselves from this predicament.”
I put my bat down and explained to him that I was not going to kill him, but he needed to go. After 45 minutes of FIGHTING TO THE DEATH WITH HIS BITEY LITTLE TEETH (he waddled away really, really fast), I lost him in the chaos of my office and finally had to call in the Big Guns (I wept for my mommy) (I didn’t weep, but I did need help to keep eyes on him.)
After another hour of tearing up my house, I managed to catch the little bugger and set him free. I feel kind of bad, he’s someone’s pet and not equipped to survive in the world outside, but I don’t know how he got into my house in the first place (this is troubling***), I don’t know from whence he came, and we’re totally not equipped to take care of a cutey-patootie hamster (GIANT FUCKING RAT WITH RABIES) which would, undoubtedly, escape from whatever temporary enclosure we could devise (AND EAT OUR FACES OFF IN THE NIGHT.)
So, that was my adventure for the night. How about you?
*** Two or three weeks after we first moved into this place, I was hanging with Rickey when I got a call from my mom that there was a snake in the kitchen and it had come out of the dishwasher. I’ve got a bit of a thing about snakes (me no likey them up close and in my space) so mom took care of it, doing her best Steve Irwin impression as she got it and released it to the wild, but I’m struck by how cyclical it seems, this random hamster appearing in our house two or three weeks before we move out.
My house is a wreck because we’re packing things and sorting stuff and I heard this weird sound that I discounted as the breeze from my fan rattling some posters while I was working on something in my office. I got up to take a break from what I was working on and decided to do a little packing (I don’t get breaks unless I’m eating, I just do different stuff) and saw this thing move out of the corner of my eye and suddenly, I was a ninja ready for a fight. (Imagine ‘the slowest white girl impersonation of Bruce Lee adopting a fighting stance’ whilst saying “holysheeetwhadafuckwasthaaaat?” and you have a fairly accurate idea of what I did.)
After kicking some boxes trying to elicit a response from this undoubtedly vicious alien creature, I grabbed my baseball bat and a flashlight from the living room and swept the room…and saw eye shine. There was this HUGE (well, not really huge) UGLY (actually it was kind of cute) RAT (hamster) WITH THESE BEEDY BLACK LIFELESS EYES LIKE A DOLL’S EYES (that’s kind of true).
We had ourselves a nice little Mexican stand-off, Mr. RAT (hamster) and I wherein I looked at him and he looked at me and I looked at him looking at me and he looked at me looking at him, me being armed with a blue baseball bat I’ve had since I was 8 and he being armed with RABIES HE’S HAD HIS ENTIRE LIFE, PROLLY (I couldn’t see that it didn’t have a tail so I was still thinking it was a rat at this point, but it was small like a palm rat.) After a moment, I said, “Okay, look. I don’t want to kill you…and I’m telling you that you don’t want to kill me. So, I’m gonna put my bat down and we’re going to have a discussion about how to extricate ourselves from this predicament.”
I put my bat down and explained to him that I was not going to kill him, but he needed to go. After 45 minutes of FIGHTING TO THE DEATH WITH HIS BITEY LITTLE TEETH (he waddled away really, really fast), I lost him in the chaos of my office and finally had to call in the Big Guns (I wept for my mommy) (I didn’t weep, but I did need help to keep eyes on him.)
After another hour of tearing up my house, I managed to catch the little bugger and set him free. I feel kind of bad, he’s someone’s pet and not equipped to survive in the world outside, but I don’t know how he got into my house in the first place (this is troubling***), I don’t know from whence he came, and we’re totally not equipped to take care of a cutey-patootie hamster (GIANT FUCKING RAT WITH RABIES) which would, undoubtedly, escape from whatever temporary enclosure we could devise (AND EAT OUR FACES OFF IN THE NIGHT.)
So, that was my adventure for the night. How about you?
*** Two or three weeks after we first moved into this place, I was hanging with Rickey when I got a call from my mom that there was a snake in the kitchen and it had come out of the dishwasher. I’ve got a bit of a thing about snakes (me no likey them up close and in my space) so mom took care of it, doing her best Steve Irwin impression as she got it and released it to the wild, but I’m struck by how cyclical it seems, this random hamster appearing in our house two or three weeks before we move out.
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I’m going to try my damnedest to be at the San Antonio Horrific Film Festival because Linnea Quigley is their 2013 Horror Hall of Fame inductee and they’ve chosen Stella Buio to play as her centerpiece film!
Congratulations, Linnea! You deserve it and so much more!
This scene didn’t sit right with me in 1994 and it doesn’t sit right with me today. As much as I love Robert as Freddy; I would’ve been the one kid running up to Heather instead. :)
This part always made me crack up because of Heather’s priceless expression. Of course it’s a load of buffalo chips (I, too, would be the one running up to Heather - in fact, I’ve been to cons where Mr. Englund was right next to her and, except at photo ops with both of them, I have yet to meet him.)
ATTENTION ARTISTS: The Viscera Film Festival is looking for product sponsors for our 2013 Carpet Ceremony at the American Cinematheque’s Egyptian Theatre in beautiful Los Angeles, California this July! You could have your work featured on our famous raffle table or in the gift bags that are handed out to the filmmakers and special guests of the festival! If you’re interested, please email Miguel Rodriguez, our Director of Sponsorships, for more information!
Miguel@VisceraFilmFestival.com
Life is a race and I know I can win it cuz I’m learing the rules of the game
If I can stay on the ball, take it minute by minute, I just might make the hall of fame…
What can I say…except I am sorry and regretful that I couldn’t control that.
The Lubbock Babes from Just the Ten of Us, 1987-1990
<3
“The important thing is moral choice. Evil has to exist along with good, in order that moral choice may operate. Life is sustained by the grinding opposition of moral entities.”
“Because talent won’t be quiet, doesn’t know how to be quiet. Whether it’s a talent for safe-cracking, thought-reading, or dividing ten-digit numbers in your head, it screams to be used. It never shuts up. It’ll wake you in the middle of your tiredest night, screaming, ‘Use me, use me, use me! I’m tired of just sitting here! Use me, fuckhead, use me!”